Abdel-Bari Zamzami ben Seddik is a huge CSI Miami fan. He even got the authentic Horatio Caine sunglasses.

What happens to a Muslim’s sex life when (one of) their spouse(s) dies? According to “moderate” Moroccan cleric Abdel-Bari Zamzami ben Seddik, nothing. A member of the Moroccan parliament, he issued numerous fatwas condoning all sorts of gross misbehavior and is now widely regarded as the pervert he is.

A so-called moderate Muslim, Zamzami’s fatwa condoning necrophilia may come as a shock. However, you have to question the notion of the moderate Muslim – every Muslim claims to serve the prophet Muhammad, who was a warlord, looter, and pedophile. Zamzami said that the bond of marriage extends beyond death, and for a husband to “take pleasure from” his dead wife’s corpse is considered halal. Is it just me, or do a lot of the clerics I write about have really disturbing fetishes? I think it might have something to do with the austerity of Islam regarding sex, or how much time Muslims spend reading a book that’s full of child molestation and sexual violence.

Zamzami founded the Moroccan Association of Contemporary Jurisprudence Research and Studies. The main goal of the association is to ensure Sharia-compliant parts of the Moroccan constitution are not altered. Yep, he’s a “moderate” Muslim all right.

The necrophilia fatwa was not Zamzami’s last regarding his sexual appetite. He also decreed that women could masturbate using phallic objects like carrots and bottles. Two things on that: 1) a lot of women in the Islamic world have had their genitals mutilated, so they would not get anything out of masturbating; 2) if carrots resemble phalluses to Zamzami, then men from Muslim countries (Zamzami included) must have skinny pencil-dicks.

Zamzami has also issued fatwas that it’s acceptable for women to drink alcohol during pregnancy and that the use of medicine during Ramadan is acceptable and does not count as breaking the fast. Presumably he wants women to drink alcohol so he can watch them insert the bottles inside themselves. Only one of those two fatwas drew widespread criticism from the Islamic community, and it wasn’t the one about alcohol. No wonder so many Muslims are mentally “off”…