1 Comment

Your Daily Muslim: Assim Alhakeem

Assim Alhakeem fantasizing about the sex life he never had

Assim Alhakeem fantasizing about the sex life he never had

“What good is a man without jealousy? In Islam, such a person is called Dayyooth. What good is a woman who is not bashful or shy? This is known as the rajilah among women, [she] who acts and behaves like men. Both are in hell as indicated by the prophet Muhammad [pigs be upon him]. Do you know anyone around you who is like that?”

Saudi Islamic cleric Assim Alhakeem is kinda like a Baptist preacher from the southern US: he really likes to talk about hell and divine wrath. With over 40,000 fans on Facebook, Alhakeem rants about all varieties of Muslims who don’t strictly adhere to the Qur’an and instead turn to evil western culture, ranging from the aforementioned independent women to any Muslim who opposes sharia as a system of government. He has specific objections to the consumption of pork and the use of antidepressants; he claims Muslims struggling with mental health issues should pray about it before resorting to potentially-sinful western medicine. Choosing the Qur’an over professional medical help is quite possibly why so many Muslims turn their intestines into murals.

“Are you a citron, a date, basil, or a colocynth plant? The prophet Muhammad [pigs be upon him] told us that people are one of four. The Muslims who recite the Qur’an are similar to citron; sweet in both taste and smell.” Alhakeem then goes on to explain how Muslims who don’t recite the Qur’an smell bad. Turns out anyone with poor hygiene smells bad (hippie liberals, this means YOU!) And from the looks of the Muslims I write about on here, a lot of ’em stink. Perhaps they haven’t been reciting the Qur’an… or maybe that’s exactly what they’ve been doing, and in doing so have forgotten to bathe and groom themselves.

Before diving into the next round of craziness, here are a couple more delightful quotes from Alhakeem: “It is not permissible for a Muslim to attend the funeral of a non-Muslim.” You know how Muslims hate non-Muslim holidays due to the lack of violence involved in the celebrations? Alhakeem hates New Year’s: “As for celebrating the New Year with the disbelievers or congratulating them for it, this totally prohibited as this is part of their feasts.” Alhakeem even joined in the anti-Christmas cacophony of 2012: Watch

Alhakeem is in favor of instating Islamic Sharia governments. He calls upon Muslims to support Egyptian president Mohamed Morsi and condemns anyone who supports democracy (the mythical “moderate Muslim”) as an apostate: “Like Libya, Syria and Tunisia, Egypt is boiling as well. In Egypt, Islam is clearly being targeted. The new constitution has been written and in 10 days time, the people should go to the poles to vote whether to take it or leave it. This is what the so called democracy is all about. Yet the powers of evil don’t want such democracy that doesn’t serve their goals. These violent protests of a corrupt minority intend to bring Egypt to its knees even if the cost was burning it to the ground. I believe that Allah is with our brothers in Egypt and Islam will prevail. However, it is worth saying that whoever rejects the new constitution because it is based on Islam, he is an apostate, even if he prays and fasts. Whoever says that we don’t want an Islamic state is an apostate. Therefore, people of Egypt! Beware of losing your faith and the hereafter as well. Back your Muslim president before the army intervenes and all the gains would turn into losses.”

On gays, Alhakeem’s thoughts rival those of the Westboro Baptist Church in both depth and depravity: “Homosexuality… takes all the bashfulness and good character of people and turns them into animals that seek only their sexual satisfaction through weird ways.” Yes, because two men or two women who love each other having sex is so much weirder than an old man violating his 9-year-old wife. Prophet Muhammad, I’m looking at you.

Remember, this dude has 40,000 fans on Facebook, which is alarming considering his obvious opposition to civilized beliefs. I suggest people bombard his Facebook wall with images of lesbian bacon wrestling.

One comment on “Your Daily Muslim: Assim Alhakeem

  1. […] Assim Alhakeem, as we learned in part 1, has a paranoid phobia of women and an irrational hatred of gays. He spends an inordinate amount of […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s