Hazem Salah Abu Ismail, possibly tripping balls

We’ve all seen crazy conspiracy-theorist types on shows like Ancient Aliens. Egyptian lawyer/politician Hazem Salah Abu Ismail is basically a Muslim version of those people. Quite possibly on hallucinogens, his level of delusion has gotten to the point of seeing things that are not there.

Ismail claims that PEPSI is an acronym for “Pay Every Penny Saving Israel” – in other words, spend your change toward saving Israel by buying Pepsi products. Regardless of the obvious grammatical error in the acronym, Ismail’s statement is completely ludicrous. Ismail then says, “in American economics, if I’m not mistaken, a penny is one-thousandth of the dollar.” Actually, Ismail, you ARE mistaken. Oh, and you’re ugly and batshit insane.

“When you pay to buy Pepsi, you are saving Israel.” Well, I don’t drink soda, but I’d gladly buy Pepsi by the gallon if it were to support Israel. Ismail then extends his assertion to all soda brands, including Coca-Cola.

Ismail reportedly told many of his followers to engage in violent protest against the ruling military during the time after Hosni Mubarak was ousted. Military police clashed with and seized many of his followers, some of whom were reported missing and haven’t been seen since. Ismail claimed to have missed the protest due to leg cramps, though it was obviously due to his lack of spine.

In his political campaigns, Ismail has declared he wants to end Egypt’s peace treaty with Israel. He has also stated that Iran is a good example of economic and cultural independence from the west. His stance on women’s rights is pretty severe: he thinks women should be forced to wear a ninja costume in accordance with sharia and shouldn’t be allowed to work with men. If he were to run in the United States as a Democrat, I doubt the media would make a big deal of his views; rather, they’d portray him as some sort of multicultural icon regardless of how backwards he is.