Kamal Subhi

Driving is something most of us in the west take for granted. In Saudi Arabia, it’s become a major issue: women aren’t allowed to drive. If a woman is caught driving, she is arrested and lashed for this grievous offense. I can understand not allowing women to drive in the name of safety, but Saudi Arabia’s reasoning for the ban is a lot more complex than that.

Professor Kamal Subhi is one of the main proponents of the country’s ban on women drivers. Subhi and several colleagues conducted a biased, scientifically-invalid (in other words, sharia-compliant) study for the king of Saudi Arabia to assess the effects of women driving, aside from the obvious: disproportionate increases in accidents and parallel-parking mishaps.

The findings of Subhi’s study were spurious at best and hilarious at worst. The study cited other Islamic countries in which women are allowed to drive and the apparent “moral decline” in those countries. Subhi even postulated that, if women were allowed to drive, “within ten years, there will be no more virgins left in the kingdom [of Saudi Arabia].” Hmm, I wonder where Muslims can find virgins?

Another finding of the study was that allowing women to drive would lead to increases in homosexuality and pornography consumption. Yes, because driving will turn people gay. It is suspected that driving with a stick is a cause of this odd phenomenon.

Subhi described his visit to a more liberal Islamic country: “One [woman] made a gesture that made it clear she was available… this is what happens when women are allowed to drive.” No, Subhi, the middle finger does not mean she wants you to finger her, it means she thinks you’re a giant douchebag. Which you are. Anyway, the ruling council of Saudi Arabia accepted Subhi’s study, and have decided to continue to lash women for driving to the grocery store.