Ali Jaleel never played with stuffed animals as a child. Look how he turned out.

Wherever there is Islam, there is violence, and Ali Jaleel illustrates that. The Maldives, despite having become increasingly radicalized, haven’t had many people taking the theme song of Islam (Ke$ha’s “Blow”) too literally. Ali Jaleel is an exception. It is unknown how or where he got the idea to blow himself up; it likely came from Qur’an verses that promised his hideous virgin self a chance to get laid.

Jaleel was in communication with another wannabe jihadi, Reaz Qadir Khan, who lived in Portland, Oregon. The two sent each other emails discussing their deep commitment to Allah, a commitment which often sounded strangely sexual: “This world is of no use to us, so let’s sacrifice [ourselves] for the pleasure of Allah in his way???” So apparently Allah gets off to watching people blow themselves… up.

After receiving financial and moral support from Khan, Jaleel traveled to Lahore, Pakistan. After making a YouTube video declaring his martyrdom, he traveled to a Pakistani intelligence building and sent his body parts flying. 30 were killed.

Pakistani terror cells have been recruiting Maldivians to carry out anti-government terror operations in Pakistan for quite some time. Jaleel is believed to have been one such recruit; militants in Pakistan want to overthrow the government and replace it with an even more stringent Islamic legal system. However, the Maldivian government is too busy sentencing people to 100 lashes for adultery to care that many of its citizens are getting a crappy Ke$ha song stuck in their heads.