Ghazali Jaafar

MILF stands for a lot more than what you think it does. The Moro Islamic Liberation Front, in other words, the bad kind of MILF, is an Islamic militant group in the southern Philippines that has been fighting for autonomy of the largely Islamic region. Ghazali Jaafar is the MILF’s Vice Chairman of Political Affairs. He’s probably the only thing in the world that involves the words “MILF” and “affairs” and isn’t awesome.

Jaafar is more than a bit paranoid. Several years ago, he accused the government of the Philippines of trying to set the stage for martial law to be declared over Mindanao, a region in the southern Philippines. He claims that the government was trying to incite violence from the Muslims as an excuse to extend the then-president’s term beyond its limit. However, the reality is that the Philippine government wanted peace in the region, and clashes between militants and government forces were the only thing preventing negotiations from being possible.

“Osama [bin Laden] is a martyr of the cause he is fighting for… his death has a direct effect to his group and his followers, but definitely someone from among his leaders will take his place as a leader of the group.” You say martyr, I say murderous psychopath. Why do Muslims always try to make the ignoble deaths of horrible men seem worthwhile? “People involved in a struggle expect death like what happened to bin Laden.” Muslims often explain that the meaning of the word ‘jihad’ is “struggle.” In other words, Jaafar is telling us what we already know: jihadis expect death so they can get their 72 virgins.

In 2012, there was a lull in the rough, bloody sex the MILF and the Philippine government were having. During this time, a new treaty was negotiated, granting the southern Philippines increased autonomy (per the Muslim population’s demands) and renaming it Bangsamoro, which is Tagalog for “bang some more.” Within a few years, it’s quite likely the region will be afflicted with widespread sharia law, and its residents will soon start moving on to the rest of the Philippines…