Your Daily Muslim: Haamid Zaid

Haamid Zaid

Haamid Zaid

What happens when a Muslim gets high on drugs? Apparently, rampant destruction and chaos. Hammy Zaid, of San Jose, California, took so many drugs he could probably see Allah. Then he got in his car and went on a destructive rampage.

Zaid’s target was a Wal-Mart. Known for its customers so wide they can’t fit through the aisles and unique ghetto-stank scent, Wal-Mart attracts tons of classy patrons. In the parking lot of the upstanding establishment, Zaid drove around in his Oldsmobile Cutlass, crashing into parked cars. When he decided he’d had enough of that, he drove right on through the front doors of the store. Frightened patrons tried to waddle away in panic as fast as their monstrous blubber-cysts of legs would let them.

Zaid got out of his car, brandishing a metal rod. He swung at patrons and staff, hitting an elderly man in the head. The few non-obese patrons wrestled Zaid to the ground and tied him down for a brief BDSM session before cops took him in. He has made no statement to police or to reporters regarding his motives. His family claims he moved around a lot but has never had any previous run-ins with the law… or the fronts of major chain stores.

4 comments on “Your Daily Muslim: Haamid Zaid

  1. Kill all Muslims!

  2. Wow, what a harsh judgement of WalMart customers(although I admit, I sometimes run out of breath walking around some of them…)

  3. That BDSM session should have end in ejecution!

  4. […] commentator Zaid Hamid (not to be confused with Haamid Zaid) is the kind of man you want living in your community. Well, if you’re a genocidal maniac, […]

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