Tariq Mehmood

Stories on this site range from the obscene to the sadly predictable to the bizarre. Tariq Mehmood definitely falls under the latter of those three. A father of three who immigrated to the UK from Pakistan, Mehmood felt his life wouldn’t be complete without smuggling in his precious cargo. A Muslim smuggling something into a western nation… you’d think it’d be weapons, right? Not in this case. Mehmood wanted to bring along his seventeen favorite sex toys, the only kind available small enough for his minuscule genitals.

Mehmood’s seventeen partridges arrived in the UK in awful conditions, covered in their own feces, urine, and bile. Only four remained alive upon arrival and had to be euthanized for fear of spreading disease. Mehmood claimed he brought the birds over “because [he] liked them” – I’ll bet he did. How, he’s stuck trying to jerk off with his little finger, which is still too large to get a good grip on his junk.

Mehmood has been ordered to pay court costs and perform community service. A note to UK bird owners: keep this man away from your animals!