…is that a drag queen?

Samira Ahmed Jassim al-Azzawi was well past her first midlife crisis, and after going through menopause, decided it was time to have another. The Iraqi Muslim, dressed in the traditional Islamic ninja costume, made it her mission to recruit other women to her newfound cause: jihad. She crafted a new image for herself (without Botox), giving herself the nickname “Umm al-Mumineen,” or “the mother of believers.”

Not being the sharpest tool in the shed, al-Azzawi enlisted some of her mujahideen (jihadi) male friends from terror group Ansar al-Sunnah to help in her endeavor. al-Azzawi talked to the women and formed relationships with them, then took them to an orchard held by the men. At the orchard, the women were trained in the ways of the mujahideen. al-Azzawi instructed her friends to rape the women who were hesitant. After the rapes, she would approach the women and tell them that, in order to escape the shame they had brought upon themselves by being raped, they would need to blow themselves up for Allah. The traditional Islamic ninja costume is great for fat chicks who want to hide their spare tire(s), but is also great for bombers who want to conceal explosives around their bodies.

Now, if you’re sitting here with your jaw on the table, I’m right there with you. This story is all sorts of f**ked up. Why would anyone think women should feel guilty for being raped?! And why is suicide the only solution?! That’s Islamic morality for you…

al-Azzawi was captured after one of her recruits’ bombing attempts was thwarted. She was interrogated by local police and admitted to having recruited over 80 women for jihad. She said that she had masterminded 28 terror attacks that were carried out according to plan. There is no word whether or not the orchard at which her recruits were trained is still in use by mujahideen.