Look at those sideburns… possibly the offspring of an Elvis impersonator and a yeti?

Despite having been raised in the civilized nation of Ireland, Jordanian-born “Palestinian” Muslim Alaa (not to be confused with Allah) Ciymeh still felt the call to jihad. He had spent countless hours studying (and probably jerking off to) the Qur’an, and decided that he should heed its commands for Muslims to wage jihad against enemies of Islam. Ciymeh’s jihad took him to the embattled nation of Syria, where bullets, grenades, and chemical weapons fly through the air like women’s tops on Mardi Gras.

Ciymeh joined with numerous al-Qaeda-linked militants in Syria to fight against the regime of president Bashar al-Assad. When not fighting, he and his fellow mujahideen (jihadis) engaged in trivial pursuits like picking lice out of each other’s foot-long pube-beards.

Realizing he was never going to get laid on this earth and had little to live for, Ciymeh boldly charged into the fray – and never made it out. His brother Baraa says that he hopes Ciymeh was accepted into the highest level of Islamic heaven, which is reserved for those who die fighting for Allah. A religion that rewards its followers for dying for it… sounds really peaceful and up with the times, doesn’t it?