This post will probably gross some of you out – it contains graphic descriptions of violence and sexual content. Just FYI.
Some Muslims design bombs to fit in shoes. Others design bombs that can be concealed under a burqa. Saudi Muslim Ibrahim Hassan al-Asiri, however, designed a bomb that fit nice and snug inside his brother Abdullah’s rectum.
In order to figure out the proper size for the bomb to ensure both maximum destructive potential and also how pleasurable it would be for his brother, numerous jihadis (Ibrahim most likely included) made detailed blueprints of the space in which the explosive device was to be inserted. These blueprints are in the form of home videos likely on some third-rate porno YouTube ripoff. Now that’s some gay porn Muhammad would approve of.
Needless to say, Abdullah splatter-painted with his intestines. I mean, he was a Muslim so that was kinda to be expected, (literally) explosive diarrhea aside. Ibrahim, however, wasn’t done inserting lethal things into his Muslim brethren.
After making numerous devices for failed al Qaeda attacks, Ibrahim mysteriously vanished from the international terror community’s radar despite his believed status as al Qaeda’s leading explosives expert. A report stated that he was killed in a drone strike in Yemen in 2011, but Yemeni intelligence officials denied that this was true.
Unable to trick most straight mujahideen (jihadis) into bed with him, Ibrahim had to think of another way to get physical with them. He had been working on new liquid explosives that pass through metal detectors, and figured out a way to both effectively transport them through security checkpoints and get his hands on some dudes in the process. An incision is made into the skin of the bomber in a fatty region, such as a love-handle or a buttcheek. The skin is peeled up and the explosive pouch is inserted into the bloody opening, then the skin flap is stitched shut. When at their target, the bomber would then inject a chemical which causes the contents of the pouch to explode.
Ibrahim is currently wanted by the US and Interpol.