She looks like she hasn’t slept in days

The story of Palestinian Muslim Darin Muhammad Tawfiq Abu Aisheh is an unfortunate one. Being so ugly that even her own cousin probably wouldn’t marry her in an arranged marriage as is common in Islamic communities, Aisheh’s mother had no idea what to do with her daughter. Then she realized she was a Palestinian and thus it was apparently her duty to have her offspring sacrifice their lives in various jihad missions against Israel.

Aisheh’s mother helped her prepare to wage jihad. She told her, “It’s the night before your wedding, Darin, and we won’t see you anymore, my daughter.” Some Muslims believe that a female shahid (martyr) will become one of a male shahid’s 72 virgins and serve as his “bride” (read: concubine.) Needless to say, Aisheh was excited because she’d be getting far more action in Jannat al-Firdaus (Islamic heaven) than she ever would on Earth.

Aisheh posed for several pictures before her death, including the one at the top of this piece. She made sure to practice all the typical angry Muslim poses to ensure she would be immortalized as yet another mindless jihadi. People wished her well as she embarked on her quest, saying “Allah be with you.” Aisheh then proceeded to an Israeli security checkpoint and blew herself up, wounding three Israeli soldiers.

Aisheh’s “sacrifice” was honored by numerous Palestinian leaders and officials. Many praised her commitment to jihad and called her a “daughter of Palestine.” Normally people distance themselves from crazies who try to kill people… oh wait, we’re dealing with Muslims here, never mind.

After her daughter’s death, neighbors asked Aisheh’s mother about her mental state. She said, “I haven’t gone mad, I’m not crazy. I want to sing, Darin is a bride.” Islam is full of all kinds of f**ked-up marriages – children with old men, arranged marriages to cousins, men getting 72 wives in the afterlife… and yet somehow to Muslims, those are all more acceptable than letting two dudes tie the knot. A resounding WTF.