“Among the issues that [Shiites] aren’t afflicted with, is that none of them will masturbate using his hand, meaning that they won’t degrade themselves to such a degree… none of them will be afflicted with being sodomized in the anus.”
Hold on, so if they won’t masturbate with their hand, what will they use? Their mind? Will they use a dildo to try to succeed through the back door? UK-based Kuwaiti sheikh Yasser al-Habib always makes us ask such important questions. Being the intellectual equivalent of a lobotomized australopithecus afarensis, his sermons range from the pornographic to the gruesome and absurd. Nary a sane word is ever uttered from his clearly sausage-craving maw – he talks about gay sex more than most gay people do.
“As for the Nawasib (enemies of Shia Islam), they are certainly afflicted with this sodomy.” al-Habib has stated that a worm grows inside the anus of anyone who has taken it in the butt, and that the only way to cure what he calls an “anal disease” is to be “penetrated again and again.” It’s more likely that he’s describing a typical weekend with his non-Muslim friends.
al-Habib was exiled from Kuwait after insulting numerous high-ranking Islamic leaders as well as Muhammad’s child bride, Aisha, claiming that she was an adulteress who assassinated her husband. He continues to assault Aisha’s character to this day, celebrating the day of her death and criticizing her writings as being fabricated – specifically, he claims she made up the part about marrying Muhammad when she was 6 and having sex with him when she was 9. al-Habib knows this won’t win him any favors with the majority of Muslims, but does not care. In fact, high-ranking Iranian clerics issued death fatwas on his head for his statements.
al-Habib claims that, “especially in the western way of thinking,” Muhammad’s marriage to Aisha makes him a pedophile. Uhh, it makes him a pedophile in any civilized way of thinking. He continued, criticizing Aisha’s terrifying account of the first few times Muhammad, pigs be upon him, molested her: “…the calamity is that Aisha portrays the matter [of being molested] in a terrifying and grievous way in her narrations!” Look, al-Habib, I know you’re into older men (especially Saddam Hussein; see part 1), but I highly doubt that 9-year-old girl wanted anything to do with Muhammad. Over 1,000 years after Aisha’s death, al-Habib still claims she is “hanging by her legs” in hell, “eating her own flesh.”
al-Habib also claims that Allah and Muhammad permitted nikah mut’ah, or temporary marriages, which allow men to sexually use women before divorcing them after a short time. The only reason “Allah” permits them is because Allah was invented by horny, sexist men who had no respect for women.
“I don’t care about the laws of the earth.” Basically, he’s saying he’s willing to be a criminal as long as he isn’t breaking any of the absurd rules in the Qur’an, a book of violence and child porn from the 7th century. Recently, he’s been testing the patience of the UK community in which he lives, the Kuwaiti embassy, and local authorities. He and several of his followers have repeatedly been protesting outside the Kuwaiti embassy over their support of the Syrian revolution. Honestly, I think he’s probably still a bit bitter that Kuwait exiled him, hence why he chose to protest their embassy.
In early 2013, al-Habib raised £2 million to purchase land for a mosque in a small UK community, now named the al-Muhassin mosque (pronounced “all my ass in,” a grammatically-incorrect invitation for local gays to pay al-Habib a visit.) Many Muslims are worried that his base of followers will grow, and due to his caustic comments about both Sunni Muslims and revered Islamic historical figures, violence will break out. Whether that will happen remains to be seen, but I’m guessing it will based on the general temperament of Muslims I’ve observed.