Papiss Demba Cisse bending over to welcome Allah’s love inside him

Senegalese Muslim Papissy Dumbass Sissy may have just cost himself his job. He currently plays soccer (“football” to those who refuse to acknowledge the true definition of the word) for Newcastle in the UK as well as the Senegalese national team, but caused a stir when he refused to wear the team’s main sponsor’s logo on his shirt. Why the refusal? Sharia law, of course – the sponsor is wonga.com, a payday loan site.

Sharia law does not permit people to profit through the lending of money; in other words, interest is forbidden. No wonder so many Muslims are shit poor. Sissy, however, was paid quite well to play for the team despite his nondescript performance. Sissy was not seen on the team’s recent trip to Portugal, suggesting he may have been dismissed for his outlandish beliefs and unwillingness to show support for the company that’s funding his salary.

When the cameras aren’t watching, however, Sissy is no devout Muslim. With plenty of income to burn despite a tenuous career future, Sissy decided to hit the casino and play the odds that no one would be able to identify him. Well, that didn’t turn out so well for him. Gambling, like the lending of money, is considered haram (forbidden) in Islam. I’m sure Sissy is well aware of that – his little hissyfit over the team’s sponsor was likely a PR stunt in the vein of Wayne Whallid Parnell to appeal to his Muslim fans. Hopefully now his fans see what a hypocrite he is – devout in the public eye, indulgent behind the scenes.