Naser Makarem Shirazi

“The Holocaust is nothing but superstition, but Zionists say that people of the world should be forced to accept this. The truth about the Holocaust is not clear, and when the researchers want to examine whether it is true or the Jews have created it to pose as victims, they jail the researchers.”

Iranian Grand Ayatollah Naser Makarem Shirazi is several centuries past his expiration date. The semi-fossilized cleric and former politician holds views no sane person could agree with – instead of using logic and factual analysis to reach conclusions, he uses rhetoric. That kinda seems to be a trend in the Muslim world. The worst part about the fact that Shirazi has had a fairly successful political and religious career is that his absurd fatwas (Islamic edicts) have been seen as legitimate, and the Iranian government has drafted legislation based on the insanity.

His blatant anti-Semitism aside, there are all sorts of other things wrong with Shirazi. His skin looks like it’s halfway to falling off, and he hates puppies. Not even kidding – he claims that Iranians who take dogs as pets are “blindly imitating the west” and claims that dog ownership will create “evil outcomes.” Of course, seeing as how this completely grounded individual’s thoughts are more important than the desires of the Iranian people, the Iranian Ministry of Cult-ure and Islamic Guidance banned advertisements related to pet ownership. Though most likely too prehistoric to figure out how to use the internet a la John McCain, I can only imagine Shirazi’s horror at the online community’s collective fascination with corgis.

Shirazi issued a fatwa condemning smoking. Sure, smoking’s bad for you and all, but saying the invisible man in the sky forbids something because you don’t like it is both disingenuous and lacking in basis. Again, however, Muslims eat this crap up – many are so weak-willed they can’t make any decisions for themselves without consulting a 7th-century book of child porn beforehand.

“[Women] are masochistic and sometimes they have a crisis and need light physical punishment to get back to normal.” Yep, Qur. 4:34 rears its ugly head yet again. I have no idea how Shirazi got the idea that women are masochists – from the looks of him, no woman with any self-respect would touch him with a ten-foot pole, so I strongly suspect his interactions with women have been limited as best. My assertion is backed up by this priceless quote of his – what kind of woman would want to be around a crazed misogynist like this dude?! “The Qur’an first of all advises a man to try and convince his wife to obey to him in a polite way and through advice, then by refusing to have sexual relations with her and, finally, if all this will have failed to make her reason, with physical punishment.” I suspect no woman would mind being denied sex with a guy like Shirazi. Eww.