Not sure if that’s one of his two wives or his daughter

“The Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque… constitutes one of the most prominent and beautiful architectural monuments in the world.”

Well, I’d say we’re aggrandizing a bit there, aren’t we? I mean, most people haven’t even heard of that mosque… until now. Emirati Sheikh Mansoor bin Zayed al-Nahyan, the leading seventh-century anachronism of that Dubai mosque, is clearly a bit of a braggart. This is likely due to his shortcomings in… lower… areas. He is a member of the ruling family of the United Arab Emirates, and in 2009 assumed the position… of Deputy Prime Minister. Recently, his mosque garnered worldwide attention not for its architecture, but for its absurd rules. You’d think that with a net worth of $20 billion, you wouldn’t have a care in the world, but apparently even uber-rich brainwashing victims of Islam feel the bizarre need to supplicate to Allah.

Barbadian musician Rihanna was visiting Dubai to perform, and despite her observance of the bizarre ninja costume Islam makes women wear, the mosque’s personnel asked her to leave because they felt her presence was disrespectful. All she did was lay down in poses she’s done ten thousand times before in her tiresome music videos. Rihanna wasn’t pleased that her photoshoot/sightseeing trip was cut short, but she’s world-famous, so I’m sure she’ll find other places to lay down and look self-important. When asked for comment, a mosque representative, possibly the Sheikh himself, said: “[Rihanna] was asked to leave before entering the mosque after she posed in ways that do not match the sacred status.” I don’t see why the mosque had such a problem with Rihanna’s presence. She’d make an ideal wife for a Muslim – she’s with an abusive boyfriend, and Islam is all for wife-beating (Qur. 4:34.)

As for al-Nahyan, here’s a rather awkward statement he made describing his mosque: “The Mosque also represents a fertile spiritual space, enriched throughout the ages by the shining inheritance of Islam. It seeks to truly reflect the open spirit of renaissance…” Is it just me, or did anyone else’s mind immediately think of a vagina when he was saying that? Also, al-Nahyan wrote on the mosque’s website, “The mosque and its facilities will be managed according to the most modern standards.” Someone should tell that to the people who kicked Rihanna out. Those seventh-century standards don’t seem so modern to me…