“We will conquer Syria and then Palestine, Allah willing. Allah willing, this knife… This gun will shoot at the heads of the Jews, and at the Alawites before them.”
Saudi jihadist sheikh Saqr “Sucker” al-Jihad is a paragon of the religious tolerance and interfaith dialogue Islam is famous for. Equipped with knives and his Magic Muslim Peace Sprayer™, al-Jihad gave a speech to his fellow mujahideen in Syria which told the world everything we ever wanted to know about true Islam. al-Jihad wants nothing more in life than to bring the peace of Islam to Syria and Israel before getting holes put in him – and I’m not talking about body piercing.
“Purify yourselves, and perhaps Allah will place us in Paradise, along with the Prophet Muhammad, Abu Bakr, Othman, Ali, and Sheikh Osama [bin Laden], and Sheikh Abdullah Azzam,” al-Jihad told his willing audience. “By Allah, how we miss them. By Allah, how much we cry. But our sins have prevented us from meeting them. May Allah hasten our martyrdom.” You cry over a dead pedophile from the 7th century?! Dude, get a shrink, you need one! And crying over bin Laden? That’s just messed up; every sane person around the world’s reaction to reports of his demise was “good f**king riddance.” As for wanting Allah to hasten your martyrdom – again, get a shrink. Suicidal thoughts aren’t normal, even if you think they come from Allah. You can’t bang 72 virgins if you’re dead; rigor mortis might give you a boner and, as we all know, necrophilia is halal in Islam, but you wouldn’t feel anything.
“But the martyrs [of history] are living alongside Allah, and also in this world,” al-Jihad proclaimed. “Don’t say that they are dead. They live.” Yep, because skeletons are totally alive. I have no idea what al-Jihad’s fascination with martyrdom is. This next quote indicates he might not even want the 72 virgins. “Turn your bare chests towards the enemy. Be ready for martyrdom.” A bunch of bare-chested men doesn’t conjure up an image of jihadists for me; I get the image of a gay circuit party… just saying, al-Jihad, if you don’t want the 72 virgins, Allah probably won’t give you dudes in exchange since he’s a homophobic prick.
“A brother drives a car or a big truck, shouts “Allahu Akbar”, and then presses the button and does not fear death.” Gee, that doesn’t perpetuate stereotypes at all… oh wait, Muslims are pretty much walking stereotypes, let’s be honest here. Bombs, knives, Magic Muslim Peace Sprayers™… all in the arsenal of spreading peace and tolerance.
“Oh Lord, we are not here because we love this world, but because we want to chop their heads off.” This quote of his was inspired by Qur. 8:12, which instructs Muslims to “smite… at the neck” of all kuffar (infidels.) Despite all this talk of violence, somehow we are expected to believe by the delusional left-wingers among us that Islam is a misunderstood religion of peace.