Michael Todd Wolfe’s pubes grow on his face

Everything is bigger in Texas – including the jihadist dreams of Muslims. Texan Muslim convert Michael Todd Wolfe aspired to perform a daring feat, one that would surely have him remembered and talked about for a few hours on jihadist forums. Yep, his life goal was to travel to Syria and splatter his guts for Allah, hopefully earning himself 72 virgins in jannat al-firdaus. His mother must be so proud!

Wolfe was not alone in his jihad. His wife was also a radicalized Muslim (read: a Muslim) told an undercover agent posing as a mujahid (jihadist) that she and her husband wanted to “perform a violent form of jihad.” She also said her husband was “just ready to die for his deen (faith). He’s ready to die for someone, for something.” Considering his religion, he probably wanted to die to get some vag other than his wife’s. Either she was too oblivious to pick up on that, or too scared to ask her husband for a divorce – Qur. 4:34 permits husbands to beat disobedient wives, and Islam looks down on divorce.

Wolfe met with another undercover agent with whom he discussed his travel plans. He had learned about how al Qaeda-linked fighters were training jihadists from other countries who journeyed to Syria, and felt that was where he belonged. He had decided on ISIS (Islamic State of Iraq and Shaam) as the jihadist group he wanted to join up with. You know, the one whose members play soccer with human heads. However, the federal government had a different idea of where he belonged – behind bars. He was arrested on terror charges and is currently awaiting trial.