“Characters like Malala [Yousafzai] should know that we [are] not deterred by propaganda of kuffar. We have prepared sharp & shiny knives for the enemy of Islam[.]”
Former Pakistani Taliban spokesman Ehsanullah Ehsan used to get paid for putting his foot in his mouth. After getting fired over claims of ceasefire negotiations and potentially damaging relations with the Afghan Taliban (because the Taliban can’t have peace with the Pakistani government), he has taken to Twitter and cozied up (over the internet, of course) to jihad preachers like Anjem Choudary. Before we go into his Twitter rambling, let’s take a look at his terror career:
As spokesman for the Pakistani Taliban, he said the Taliban were responsible for numerous bombings against Pakistani military facilities, citing alleged cooperation between the Pakistani government and the United States as motive. He also justified numerous anti-Shiite suicide bombings, saying “the Shiite community is engaged in defiling the prophet[, pigs be upon him].” Somehow making fun of a dead pedophile is enough reason to blow up innocent people in the warped mind of a Muslim.
The most infamous attack Ehsan admitted Taliban involvement in was the shooting of schoolgirl Malala Yousafzai, who has since won a Nobel Peace Prize. Seeing an unmarried 14-year-old girl going to school angered the 7th-century regressives on many levels. They knew they had to take action. Malala was shot in the head, but miraculously survived. Ehsan made a statement about the attack: “This was a new chapter of obscenity, and we have to finish this chapter.” Obscenity? A girl going to school is obscenity, but an old man penetrating her in a forced “marriage” isn’t? Shooting her in the head isn’t? With his idiotic statement, Ehsan just proved the Taliban are a bunch of backward ingrates with no conscience or respect for human life. Then again, we’re dealing with devout Muslims here, we kinda already knew that.
In June 2013, Ehsan took responsibility for killing nine tourists and their guide. He claimed it was retaliation for an attack carried out by international forces that killed a Taliban chief: “This will tell the international community about our feelings and sentiments against the killing of our fighters.” Maybe you should stop killing innocent people, then we wouldn’t feel compelled to waste our taxpayer money to go over there and eliminate your little 7th-century boys’ club. As much as I despise and oppose the recent international involvement in the middle east, the human rights arguments in favor of it can sometimes be compelling.
Ehsan was fired a few months later. In September 2014, Ehsan had joined up with a new terror group which broke off from the Pakistani Taliban, Jamatul Ahrar. According to Ehsan, “70 to 80 percent” of former Taliban members now support Jamatul Ahrar. Ehsan claims the group’s mission is to implement sharia on a global level, starting with Pakistan. Wow. How original. (Yaaaaaawwwwwnnn!)
Now, let’s take a look at Ehsan’s Twitter. Here is some delicious idiocy from the heart of ancient times: