“Dr.” Sohail Qureshi

Every so often, a celebrity comes out in favor of pseudoscience. However, even Jim Carrey’s recent anti-vax tirade pales in comparison to the bullshit peddled by celebrated Pakistani doctor Sohail Qureshi. A devout Muslim, Qureshi makes sure to focus on faith when performing his healing works at the clinic he owns. As I’m sure you may have guessed, this “healing” involves a bizarre form of bloodletting no western doctor would ever consider.

Originally from Moscow and trained as a dentist, Qureshi realized his true calling was sucking the life out of people. Far below the requisite attractiveness to audition for the next Twilight rip-off, he had to resort to other methods. His chosen method? Hijama cups. Hijama is an ancient Islamic healing practice from the time of Muhammad, pigs be upon him. Wikipedia, take it away:

The mouth of a cup (metal, glass and plastic cups are generally used, although traditionally horns were used) is placed on the skin at the site chosen for hijama. Then a tight seal is created. The traditional method is to burn a small piece of paper or cotton inside the vessel, so that the mouth of the cup clings to the skin. The cup is left to cling to the skin for a few minutes, then it is lifted off and several very small incisions are made in the skin. The cup is then put back as it was before until the flow of blood subsides.

Needless to say, no doctor in any western society does this, as its medicinal effects have not been proven.

The beginning of the next #gayporn4muhammad movie, titled “2 Guys 6 Cups”

When he isn’t draining people’s blood, Qureshi is posting all sorts of pseudoscientific garbage on Facebook. He manages his clinic’s Facebook page, and in doing so has managed to make his practice look like the complete joke that it is.

What is it with Muslims and pubic hair? The fact that a religion tells its followers how to maintain their pubes should say quite a bit about the nature of that belief system. Also, who likes a man without pubes? Come on now.

Qureshi is a believer in jinns, invisible spirits that feast on feces and other waste matter. Jinns can allegedly possess people, and reciting Qur’an verses can ward them away. Here’s what Qureshi had to say about these invisible (read: non-existent) monsters:

The next bit of pseudoscience this “doctor” bought into is the conspiracy that many processed foods and care products are made from human fetuses. Yep, your microwave dinners are made from babies. Or something like that. Hopefully you can make more sense of this lunacy than I did:

No Muslim conspiracy theorist can finish a rant without accusing Lady Gaga of being involved:

Yes, people spray themselves with sperm and blood. The FDA and other government agencies responsible for ensuring safety definitely allow people to spray themselves with strangers’ bodily fluids. We in the west love using others’ seminal fluid as cologne. It’s all the rage over here. Qureshi’s obviously limited understanding of the west likely stems from his overuse of anti-Semitic websites run by Muslims, who are responsible for the following meme he shared:

If he knew anything about western culture, he’d know that #2 is regarded as a freakshow and #3 is seen as an oppressed victim whose narrative we can’t question. If we did that, we’d be racist (even though Islam is not a race.)

Qureshi also spat in the faces of actual doctors, whose profession he is surely envious of. It’s sad how he openly mocks proper medicine and considers himself to be a learned healer – no wonder actual doctors deemed him unworthy of joining their ranks!

Our doctors use science and treatments based on centuries of research and refinement. Qureshi uses a 7th-century child-porn fairytale. Which do you trust would do a better job?

Here are a couple final pieces of wisdom from this erudite Muslim:

His justification for that claim? A hadith.

And because no YDM piece is complete without a healthy dose of misogyny:

Thankfully, those involved in real science laugh at Qureshi’s work and claims. He’ll be stuck sucking blood for the rest of his life.