Suicide Bombers
Your Daily Muslim #526: Abu Hurayra al-Amriki
When young American men don’t get laid, they do one of four things: 1) use their hand; 2) become Bronies; 3) go on killing sprees allegedly because of being rejected; or 4) convert to Islam and blow themselves up. American Muslim Abu Hurayra al-Amriki (real name Moner Mohammad Abu Salha) chose #4. To accomplish his […]
Your Daily Muslim #516: Abu Fateh al-Danmarki
Simply being around the violent seventh-century ideology of Islam can prove harmful to one’s health. It has a contagious effect among weak minds, luring those frail of psyche into its clutches and sending them off to get 72 imaginary virgins. Such is the case of what happened to ADD-suffering social outcast Victor Kristensen of Denmark, […]
Your Daily Muslim #515: Abdul Waheed Majid
UK Muslim Abdul Waheed Majid’s sex life was lacking. However, the West Sussex resident knew the perfect remedy: 72 virgins in jannat al-firdaus (Islamic heaven.) His one problem was finding a way to get there. For a Muslim’s shahada (martyrdom) to be accepted, he or she must shed his or her blood on the field […]
Your Daily Muslim #502: Mehrzad Malekzadeh
When a non-Muslim has a psychotic break, normally they start spouting off about aliens or conspiracy theories. When a Muslim loses their mind (normally early in childhood due to indoctrination with fairytales), their reactions are frequently more dramatic. Case in point: Iranian Muslim Mehrzad Malekzadeh, who decided it would be a good idea to strap […]
Your Daily Muslim: Abu Hessa
“Oh nation of Islam, come to jihad. Oh nation of jihad, come to martyrdom. Allah said in the Qur’an: ‘Long for death, if you are truthful.’” Waging jihad is all the rage these days among Muslims who grow tired of foaming at counterjihad pages on Facebook. A Kuwaiti Muslim who chose the kunya Abu Hessa […]
Your Daily Muslim: Krenar Lusha
Albanian Muslim Krenar Lusha didn’t want to remain around his fellow ass-lifters in majority-Muslim Albania. He wanted to mingle with the kuffar (infidels)… before blowing them up. To accomplish his mission, he illegally entered the UK and began plotting his jihad. Despite his lack of documentation, he managed to find a bank that was stupid […]
Your Daily Muslim: Oksana Aslanova
Turkmenistani Oksana Aslanova moved to Dagestan (southwest Russia) and began a life there. She soon met a jihadist commander, and the two fell in love and got married. Of course, it wasn’t long before Aslanova converted to Islam and her jihadist husband was six feet under the ground, since jihadists tend not to last very […]
Your Daily Muslim: Naida Asiyalova
You know your marriage is doomed when your husband tells you to kill yourself. You know you’re doomed when you think his suggestion is reasonable. That’s exactly the point Dagestani (Russian) Muslimah Naida Asiyalova’s marriage had gotten to. Her husband, Dmitry Sokolov, is believed to be the leader of a group of anti-government jihadis. Sokolov […]
Your Daily Muslim: Nizar ben Abdelaziz Trabelsi
Tunisian Muslim Nizar ben Abdelaziz Trabelsi is so gullible he’d probably believe me if I told him there was porn at the bottom of this piece. In fact, he’s so mindlessly gullible that he was talked into blowing himself up for invisible vaginas in the sky. Not only that, the person who talked him into […]
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