Ebrahim Desai

This YDM contains adult subject matter.

While most Sufi Muslims are peaceful and relatively progressive by Islamic standards, South African Sufi Islamic cleric Ebrahim Desai is a walking anachronism. Aside from endorsing the Ideal Woman website, which claims premarital love is untrue and calls it a “disease,” his fatwa site is overflowing with 7th-century savagery. The lazy f**k outsources most of his fatwas to students at the Darul Iftaa, an institution which teaches fiqh (Islamic jurisprudence.)

This fatwa about visiting the home of a non-Muslim to comfort them during a time of mourning is alarming at best. The fact that Desai openly admits Muslims aren’t permitted to have close relationships with non-Muslims is damning evidence that Islam and secular society are incompatible. Before some apologist says “that’s not what Islam teaches,” remember, Desai is a scholar who has spent his life studying Islam. He knows his religion. Also, if your little 7th-century-celebrant club prohibits you from making friends outside of it, perhaps it’s time to recognize your club is a cult and get the hell out.

In this fatwa, briefly after admitting wife-beating is permitted by the Qur’an (4:34), Desai claims those who engage in oral sex are “lower than the level of dogs, pigs and even shayateen [devils].” He expounds upon this using Muhammad, pigs be upon him, as a point of reference: “The sublimity of Islam is of such a lofty degree that it exhorts its adherence to adopt dignity, deportment and propriety in even [a] sexual relationship,” Desai wrote. “Rasulullah [Muhammad] (Sallallahu Álayhi Wasallam) [pigs be upon him] advised his ummah to abstain from total nudity when indulging in sex and not to behave ‘like asses’. Since Islam is a culture of transcendental values calculated to ensure maximum remembrance of Allah, a Muslim should not debase himself to a sub-animal level by resorting to the vile practice of oral sex.”

What? No total nudity during sex? Someone must be insecure about his waistline/dick size…

Also, oral sex is not something people “resort to.” Some prefer it. Sorry your first BJ was so traumatic, Desai. Not everyone uses teeth, I promise.

“A Muslim should not dishonor that head and face which the sharia of Islam commands to be honored,” the bitter sex-hater continued. Of course, he makes no mention of the Muslims who dishonor each other’s heads by cutting them off. “Allah honored the human head with noble qualities, the highest being the nur of aql [rationality], but man debases that lofty part of his body by indulging in an act of bestiality not even committed by the lowly beasts.” Wait, if beasts aren’t involved in it, how is it an act of bestiality? Also, some animals do have oral sex. A Muslim not understanding observed science? Gee, that’s a new one.

“The mouth is an honored part of the physical body,” Desai wrote. “It is not a receptacle of impurity… Even in the developing fetus, Allah has arranged for the maintenance of the purity of the mouth. The umbilical cord connects the developing embryo to its mother. It is the passageway in which exchange of nutrient and waste materials with the circulatory system of the mother takes place. In man the umbilical cord arises at the navel below which is the location of the rebellious nafs [ego] which reduces man to sub-animal levels if not restrained. Why does Allah not create the fetus with the umbilical cord attached to its mouth so that its nutrition reaches it in the normal way, viz. via the mouth? … Since the umbilical cord is also the passageway for impure waste matter, its connection is near to the location of the lowly nafs. The mouth has thus been guarded against impurities.”

Uhh, what? The umbilical cord developed thanks to evolution, not the hand of Allah trying to keep waste matter away from mouths. If Allah cared about waste matter not being consumed, his “messenger” [pigs be upon him] wouldn’t have prescribed camel urine as medicine. Also, anyone who thinks the ego resides in the navel instead of the brain likely has an IQ in the low double digits.

“Even at the moment of reaching climax and ejaculation, the Muslim is required to read in his mind (without moving the lips) a special dua [prayer] so that he remains protected from any Shaitani [devil’s] interference.” That sounds awful. Having to not be in the moment during sex because of an imaginary sky-demon sounds even worse than poker-facing.

The regressive cleric, like his prophet, pigs be upon him, supports child marriage. In a fatwa posted to islamqa.org, Desai wrote: “According to the sharia, if a girl is a minor (did not attain puberty), she may be given in marriage by her father. There is no age limit to be intimate with one’s wife even if she is a minor.” The amount of evidence that Islam is compatible with the west (as those left of center would have you believe) is really piling up here…

Desai is also an advocate of jihad. The logic employed here is around as brilliant as that of Nurashikin Salim, who thinks gays should be killed so they can be protected from their alleged sins. “You should understand that we as Muslims firmly believe that the person who doesn’t believe in Allah as he is required to, is a disbeliever who would be doomed to hell eternally… if a country doesn’t allow the propagation of Islam to its inhabitants in a suitable manner or creates hindrances to this, then the Muslim ruler would be justifying in waging jihad against this country, so that the message of Islam can reach its inhabitants, thus saving them from the fire of Jahannam [hell].” Makes total sense, right? “They’re not letting us oppress them and save them from hell, so let’s kill them and send them all to hell!” Yeah, that totally accomplishes your goal of saving them…

On the subject of jihad, Desai isn’t entirely opposed to Palestinians blowing themselves up to kill Jews. In a fatwa, he wrote: “The people of Palestine are the most oppressed people and live in constant fear by the rule of the Jewish oppressors. Their extreme frustration and hardships have led them to behave likewise – to resort to suicide bombings. Assuming the suicide bombing is evil but this evil is opposed by a greater evil for which there is no adequate substitute, therefore, their act will also be justified as lesser of the two evils in terms of the sharia.” What greater evil are Palestinians living under? A Jewish nation that’s centuries ahead of its neighbors in terms of human rights?

If you thought it wasn’t going to get worse… well, you should have known better. Come on, I always save the juiciest bits for last. This is an excerpt from a fatwa about Muslim governments making the hijab compulsory. “According to sharia, it is compulsory upon a Muslim government to establish and maintain a moral society,” Desai began. “They will have to do whatever it takes to avoid immorality. The evils and immoralities in a western society is well known by all. Rape, abortion, adultery, fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, discos, night clubs, illegitimate children, marital breakups are some of the dilemmas faced by the west. The root cause of all these evils is the free mixing of the opposite genders.” Wait, free-mixing of opposite sexes turns people gay? Huh? Did Desai have an ex that left him for another woman or something? Also, claiming free-mixing causes rape is horrific. A lack of humanity causes people to rape, not the presence of women. Victim-blaming is not OK.

The fatwa continued: “The institution of hijab is a great blessing to this ummah as it stems out all the evils that emanate without hijab. If an Islamic government does not institute hijab, it will inadvertently face the host of problems faced by the west.” Desai’s logic is basically “blame all marital problems on women and oppress them to try to curb these alleged social ills.” However, he doesn’t realize that the problem here is with his religion and its male adherents, not women who want a little on the side.

When a closeted gay Muslim contacted Desai about whether or not he should marry a woman despite his feelings for other men, Desai responded predictably:

Straight people who think themselves experts on homosexuality and believe orientation can be changed by religious adherence are among the lowest of idiots. They have literally no idea what they’re talking about, yet profess to be authorities despite lacking qualifications. Sorry, but if you’re gonna shove something down my throat, it better not be your beliefs.

Oh wait, that’s haram.