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Your Daily Muslim #709: Islam Slimani

Will memes return to YDM? Time will tell.

Will memes return to YDM? Time will tell.

Algerian Muslim Islam Slimani plays soccer for the Sporting Clube de Portugal and the Algerian national team. Slimani recently caught the public’s eye because of his hatred of celebration. When his team won, one of his teammates unsuccessfully attempted to get Slimani to lighten up and have fun. However, his religion would allow no such thing.

Pouring champagne over your teammates’ heads after a win is a common celebratory practice. Islam strictly forbids alcohol. Thus, when champagne was sprayed all over the Muslim’s face, he threw his hands up in anger an stormed off to wash the haram substance off his body.

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Your Daily Muslim #708: Mohammed Siddique

Mohammed Siddique

Mohammed Siddique

UK Qur’an instructor Mohammed Siddique enjoys the finer things in life: seventh-century fairytales and beating children. When one of his pupils, a 10-year-old, repeatedly read the Qur’an incorrectly, Siddique could not let such an offense against Islam stand.

Siddique and his son, Mohammed Waqar, disciplined the boy. Of course, this wasn’t western discipline, which normally involves writing on a chalkboard or being sent to a more stern adult. This was Islamic discipline.

Using their hands and sticks, they roughed the boy up on four occasions when he did not read the Qur’an properly. The 10-year-old had bruises on his legs and one time sustained a black eye.

Siddique and Waqar face up to 10 years in prison if convicted.

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Your Daily Muslim #707: Mashhoor bin Hassan ibn Mahmood al-Salman

Possibly acting out something NSFW

Possibly acting out something NSFW

Islam permits its followers to keep sex slaves captured in battle, as evidenced by Qur. 23:5-6, 4:24, and 33:50, among others. Palestinian-Jordanian cleric/author Mashhoor bin Hassan ibn Mahmood al-Salman is a big fan of sex slavery, likely because no free woman would ever touch his hideous creep ass. During a live fatwa broadcast, a viewer asked questions of sex slavery and whether or not women could use sex slaves.

“Is a woman allowed to have sex with her slave?” al-Salman began, not realizing that the very notion of slavery should be dismissed as morally repugnant. “Dear Allah… A woman cannot have sex with her slave. A woman, by nature… Even in the akhira (afterlife), it is not in her nature to be had by one man after the other.” Uhh, tell that to Kim K. Also, every woman’s sex drive is different, so al-Salman is an idiot for making the generalization he did.

To further showcase the amount of patriarchal bullshit in Islam, al-Salman blathered: “When men take turns with a woman, it is humiliating and degrading for her. A man gets 70 virgins (in paradise), but what does a woman get? One young man.” Needless to say, that should really demotivate any woman from becoming a suicide bomber.

“The prophet Muhammad [pigs be upon him] said: ‘The dwellers of paradise have clothing that never wears out, youth that never wanes, and a penis that never bends,'” al-Salman stated. If you needed any more evidence that Islam was crated by perverts, there you have it. “So she can have sex with this strong man, but she cannot have multiple men taking turns with her.” That’s unfortunate. Some women like that. It’s not cool for the religion to deny its followers certain forms of sex due to their gender.

Returning to the question of sex slavery, al-Salman pronounced his fatwa: “So a woman is not allowed to have sex with her slave, but she can marry him. If she has no husband and wants to marry her slave, she can. As soon as they are married, he becomes a free man and her master.” What?! How is that fair for the woman, who just wants a husband? Islam’s anti-female teachings are entirely indefensible.

al-Salman’s stance on the male slave taking control of the woman’s life comes from Qur. 2:228, which states that men are a “degree above” women. He still fails to recognize that his sexist ranting is what ruined his sex life.

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Your Daily Muslim #706: Ghulam Ali Naeem Abadi

Ghulam Ali Naeem Abadi

Ghulam Ali Naeem Abadi

Iranian cleric Ayatollah Ghulam Ali Naeem Abadi, who represents Iran’s Supreme Leader in Hormozgan province, put his foot in his mouth recently. How? By demanding others’ limbs be removed.

“If the hands of a few of those who commit theft in society are cut off, they would serve as examples for others and security will be restored,” Abadi stated. Iran recently amputated the right hand and left foot of a man accused of robbery, a punishment prescribed by sharia. Abadi doesn’t realize that dismembering people is far too severe a sentence for the crime.

“Security would be restored in society by amputating a few fingers; why then are such punishments not being fully implemented?” Abadi asked, not realizing his tongue’s amputation (though still a horrible crime) would be of much greater benefit to society.

Abadi is also a misogynist. While claiming Islam enjoys a privileged status over the infidel, Abadi praised the Islamic ninja costume as a “bright sign of Islamic society.” Of course, the fact that his religion’s “bright sign” causes its adherents to look like Ringwraiths is totally lost on him.

He encouraged Iranians to adhere to Islamic rules of modesty, and called upon radio broadcasters and his fellow scholars to speak on the subject of traditional Islamic values. He also criticized westernization, calling it an influence of “cultural NATO.” He concluded by saying, “our politics is religion and our religion is politics.” That’s even scarier than Mike Huckabee’s stance.

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Your Daily Muslim #705: Mohammed bin Yehya al-Addawi

Mohammed bin Yehya al-Addawi and his precious

Mohammed bin Yehya al-Addawi and his precious

Today in poor life decisions influenced by Islam: the case of Saudi farmer Mohammed bin Yehya al-Addawi.

al-Addawi had an infant sheep on his farm that he took a particular interest in. Something stood out about this sheep: al-Addawi claims the name of Muhammad, pigs be upon him, is in the sheep’s coat. You can see in the picture above this is some Rorschach-test-level stuff here, but al-Addawi insists that the creature is a “heavenly miracle.”

“As you see, my sheep has the name Muhammad on its side in very clear letters… many people come to see it and all of them admire the way the word is written,” al-Addawi stated. OK, and people have seen Jesus’ face in their toast. That doesn’t mean it’s a divine act.

An anonymous idiot offered al-Addawi approximately $400,000 USD for the sheep. However, being a devout Muslim, al-Addawi kept the animal instead of seizing the opportunity to have a better life. You know, if I were a deity, I’d want my adherent to sell the damn sheep. Just saying.

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Your Daily Muslim #704: Hashim Hussain

Hashim Hussain

Hashim Hussain

Teenage UK Muslim Hashim Hussain, who frequently discusses the end of the world on Facebook, had some unkind words when interacting with counterjihadists. After misunderstanding a question and outing himself as a homophobe, he dug a hole now far too deep to ever get out of.

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“And it’s the only punishment that will make people learn.” Really? Since when did a natural consensual behavior that harms no one warrant a punishment? Hussain also fails to understand that killing people is a crime in the civilized world, though his barbaric religion teaches him it’s A-OK under various conditions.

“It’s not right in Islamic nature,” Hussain continued. The narrow worldview of “Islamic nature” is not the same as biological reality, as any educated person knows. Sadly, Hussain’s mindset has yet to catch up to modern times.

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Your Daily Muslim #703: Abdurrazaq bin Abdul Mohsin bin Hamd bin Abdul Mohsin bin Abdullah bin Hamd bin Uthman al-Abbad al-Badr

See Also: Resting Bitch Face

See Also: Resting Bitch Face

Today’s YDM is about a fatwa from Saudi sheikh Abdurrazaq bin TL;DR al-Badr. Let’s play a game: what normal thing does this fatwa condemn?

If you guessed smartphones, you’d be correct. al-Badr blames smartphones for an alleged decline in the amount of respect shown for the sanctity of the masjid (mosque.) He asserts that people spend their time in the masjid on their smartphones or telling jokes instead of bending over for an invisible sky-demon. “In the masjids, do not use speech and do not do actions, except those statements and actions which the masjid was built for,” he began. “The masjids were built for the prayer, recitation of the Qur’an, remembrance of Allah, to show gratitude to Allah, to praise him, for knowledge, studying, and reflection. Not for speech concerning worldly matters and relaxing telling jokes and vain speech; or this immense calamity which has appeared during this time—the smart phone—that which contains the calamities of the world!”

Yes, this bonafide troglodyte called smartphones an “immense calamity.” Never mind how much more efficient smartphones have made both professional and personal communication. But that doesn’t matter to al-Badr, whose priorities remain in the 7th century instead of the 21st. As for containing the calamities of the world, smartphones generally don’t have content including child rape, beheading, and sex slavery, unlike the Qur’an.

“It is to the extent that some [worshippers], immediately after they say the Salaam the second time to exit the prayer, they put their hand in their pocket and take out their devices. And this is proof that even during the obligatory prayer he was preoccupied with what is on his device. It is as though the prayer was holding him back.” Hello captain obvious. Maybe if Islam didn’t have such a vice-grip on its followers’ lives, they’d be able to spend their time doing what they actually wanted instead of playing along so they don’t get beheaded for apostasy.

The mad Muslim continued: “The masjids must be protected from the likes of these distractions and amusements. And these phones, and what they contain to include picture taking, and other evil matters; by Allah they have brought harms to the people.” Islam forbids the creation of many types of images, hence why some scholars view photography as haram (forbidden.) Even in the case of camera phones, photography is still sometimes frowned upon. But how have camera phones brought harm to the people? Sure, there’s always that one woman who clogs your newsfeed with Instagrammed pictures of her food, but that’s the extent of it. Being ugly and/or camera-shy is not a reason to decry camera phones as “harmful to the people.”

“Has our situation reached the extent, oh Islamic nation, where this abominable, reprehensible music is played in the houses of Allah?” al-Badr asked when discussing musical ringtones. Sure, Bitch Better Have My Money is every other person’s ringtone despite being incredibly annoying, but it’s not “abominable.”

al-Badr’s hatred of music became even more vehement: “Music on the cell phones is prohibited in every situation. It is prohibited in every situation; rather it is upon him to choose for his cell phone audios which are not musical. And this affair becomes more dangerous when these evil sounds are inside the houses of Allah the blessed and exalted.” Many Muslims view the majority of music as being haram. However, most sane people (both kafir and Muslim) recognize that music isn’t “dangerous.” If a deity doesn’t want music in its houses of worship, perhaps it’s best to pick a new deity.

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Your Daily Muslim #702: Azizi al-Hariri

Azizi al-Hariri

Azizi al-Hariri

Miami Muslim convert Miguel Moran Diaz, who assumed the Islamic name Azizi al-Hariri, was in a rut. A convicted felon who had served nearly four years behind bars for dealing cocaine, his future prospects were looking grim. His religion, however, provided him with a solution to his problems.

Islam promises virgins in jannat al-firdaus to anyone who becomes a shahid (martyr.) al-Hariri thought that was pretty neat, especially since he wouldn’t have to pay for them. To gain access to this realm of eternal pleasure, he had to kill a bunch of people for the realm’s gatekeeper, an invisible sky-demon named Allah.

al-Hariri hatched a plan to attain shahada (martyrdom.) He planned on using a rifle from his stash of illegal guns to shoot scores of people and create chaos in Miami. However, the only thing he shot was himself, in the foot.

al-Hariri spoke to someone whom he believed was a fellow Islamic State (ISIS) sympathizer about his plot. He said he planned to engrave “ISIS” into his shell casings so “they would know there was a sniper in town.” We already know how this goes, so let’s fast-forward to his court appearance.

“I want to apologize to the community,” he told the court. “I guarantee that it won’t happen again.” He’s right. It won’t. He’s been sentenced to 15 years behind bars.

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Your Daily Muslim #701: Anwar ul Haque

Anwar ul Haque

Anwar ul Haque

Islamabad pathologist Dr. Anwar ul Haque is a true 7th-century regressive. Despite being versed in western medicine, he clings to outdated beliefs from ages past. Let’s take a look at what he’s written on his Facebook:

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The point he tries to make about women’s testimony being worth less than men not being in the Qur’an is only somewhat true. Qur. 2:282 makes an allusion to this. However, a hadith (Bukhari 6:301) explicitly states what taqiyya master ul Haque tries to deny. I’m not even going to bother going into the rest of that misogynistic horseshit; any sane person knows women shouldn’t have their rights taken away in the name of “protection.”

ul Haque is Facebook friends with yesterday’s daily Muslim, Kaukab Siddique. On a post regarding homosexuality and its causes, the “doctor” commented:

anwarulhaque

How are we destroying the fabric of society? We aren’t the ones randomly beheading people or blowing ourselves up.

He explained how Muslims are comanded to wage jihad against the kuffar on a post about a Pakistani politician’s new wife:

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Speaking of jihad, he supports convicted terrorist Aafia Siddiqui and blames her arrest on (wait for it) the Jews:

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Here’s some crazy conspiracy bullshit to round this one out. This level of crazy defies explanation:

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